Friday, March 27, 2009

The Internet's True Purpose

While driving my wife to work today, she asked me a question - Do you know the state bird of DC?

Now before all you Captain Persnicketies say 'hey the district is a district, not a state,' let me continue...

I honestly didn't know (thought it was the finch) so I jumped on my phone, accessed the internet, googled 'state bird of DC' and *PRESTO* got my answer and even a picture.

Except for Al Gore inventing it, I don't know much about the internet. The story I grew up with was that it was a university project for remote access of information and the ability to share research with others. My brother-in-law is probably trying to punch me in the kidneys through the computer right now.

But the fact remains that was once was designed (or should have been) as a tool for learning is now a travashamockey of that.

For some reason, the internet thinks I have a small penis and problem getting it up, it thinks I need a new mortgage, a new job and to take college classes. I need perscription drugs, cheaper travel deals and asian hookers who do it all night long. What would my life be without improved credit reporting, movies delivered to my door or spyware protection? Don't forget, your life isn't complete until you've seen Joe America popping a zit on his face while Jane America tells us all about why whole wheat toast is a conspiracy to keep us out of Area 51. And a special shout out to all my friends on MyFaceTwit?

It seems to me the school has become a market place and not much else. Granted, I enjoy the fact that I can find matching Elvis salt and pepper shakers, but sometimes all I need to do is find out something about DC's state bird: the wood thrush... And even the name of that bird could probably be considered a porn site.


  1. The Web started as a U.S. military initiative. Google ARPANET for the full story. And like all good U.S. military projects, gambling, porn, and other forms of exploitation funded it.

  2. But what about early modem technology in the '40s--perhaps my source is being anachronistic, which is a distinct possibility--but the book I'm thinking about was written in the late '60s early '70s. Yeahs I'm too lazy to google ARPANET.

  3. What was that? I was busy thrushing my wood.

    I read somewhere once that throughout history, whenever a new medium is introduced, there are only two sure bets to make money: pornography and the Bible. Infer from that what you will about human nature. I'm just hoping porn makes more.

  4. So, is "thrushing my wood" a pornographic or Biblical reference? Because, really, it could be either.